Oh no! The Gay Agenda™ is trying to destroy the closet industry!

Closets have no need to worry about being phased out so long as there are Republican politicians who secretly love LGBTQ+ sex. “It’s happened so many times that it’s almost become predictable at this point. The louder someone is about the righteous conservative Christian lifestyle they’re leading, the more likely they are to be stepping out on their wives or having secret gay affairs because if there is one thing you can count on in life, it’s for Republicans not to practice what they preach.”

Why closet sad? It’s not like we don’t still need closets to keep our clothes in.