• QualifiedKitten@lemmy.world
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    9 months ago

    Dating/romantic relationships. I usually manage to uncover multiple deal breakers on the first date, and I’m pretty sure that’s more of a “me” problem, than a problem with the type of people I date.

    • 🇰 🔵 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️@yiffit.net
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      9 months ago

      I have BPD, which means that the longer I know someone, the more faults I find and the more I start to go from liking them to hating them.

      It is very much a “me” problem, but one that has no solution yet. 😮‍💨

      • QualifiedKitten@lemmy.world
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        9 months ago

        Oh man, I’ve really slowed down my dating, so it’s hard to remember many of them. I know some of these are actually reasonable, but others are just me looking for faults/expecting perfection:

        • Is a night owl
        • Works in a field that requires odd hours
        • Isn’t 100% against having kids (most recent one said they didn’t mind either way, which makes me worried they’ll eventually realize they want kids)
        • Has children, even if they’re already adults
        • Laughs weird
        • Previously married (most recent one lost their previous partner to cancer a few years ago)
        • Not regularly physically active
        • Has dietary restrictions/allergies
        • Doesn’t drink alcohol ever
        • Obvious political differences
        • Doesn’t like cats and/or my cats are scared of them
        • Has a dog, especially if it’s small and/or if they take it everywhere
        • Has “weird” pets, like snakes or spiders
        • Has a messy home
        • Still lives with their parents
        • Contramuffin@lemmy.world
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          9 months ago

          Thanks for the candid answer. I understand the urge to nitpick. Although, for the life of me I can’t understand how having a dog could be a negative. I feel like at worst that would just be a neutral? I’m guessing you’re not a dog person?

          • QualifiedKitten@lemmy.world
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            9 months ago

            I’m just not thrilled about the idea of sharing a home with a dog, and cohabitation is something I’d like in a long term romantic relationship. I grew up with dogs, and lots of friends family have dogs, so it’s not an absolute, 100% deal breaker, but I hate when they jump on me, I don’t enjoy their “kisses”, and I’m easily irritated by many of the noises they make when I’m chilling quietly at home. I’m also easily irritated by noises that humans make when sharing close quarters, but it’s rare to really notice those on a first date.

            I also live in a dense area with very few private yards, so anyone I’m dating likely has a similar living situation, making it so that dating a dog owner has more overlaps than I’d like compared with dating a single parent of a young child. If you want to take an overnight trip together somewhere, you either have to bring the dog/child along, or you have to find a sitter.

            On top of that, I have young adult cats, so the possibility of eventually moving in together becomes much more complicated.

        • BigMikeInAustin@lemmy.world
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          9 months ago

          Just find an enterprising other individual and create a business plan to get married on paper.

          You might want two main bedrooms in a house. So a little remodeling cost. But then you can resell later as a mother-in-law room.

          • QualifiedKitten@lemmy.world
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            9 months ago

            Hahaha, definitely something that has crossed my mind more than a few times. I definitely see marriage as a business arrangement between good friends that hopefully includes a romantic/sexual component. Just not really sure how/where to go about interviewing for that role. Lol.