I had a project that dragged out a bit and because I was so focused on getting it done my work slipped in other areas.

I have a ‘position description’ meeting with HR on Monday about ‘a new direction the business is going in’ so I’m probably going to get the axe

Real men open carry by walking around shirtless with a gun gaffer taped to their shoulder blade so if a terrorist ever tells them to put their hands behind their head they can pop one off when they don’t expect