I always feel awkward when asked my favorite color, song, or any other type of trivial question. I have my standard responses I remain consistent with over time, but they are only consistent lies. Are those types of questions fundamentally awkward to you too?
I like things that look nice. I may lean toward one color or another at times, but I would never seek out the color before or to the exclusion of something that looks nice. It feels like color prejudice or something to say I have a favorite. I’m open minded to all colors in any situation more like an artistic mind I guess. That is the kind of thought process I go through when I’m asked to pick my favorite (x). I want to respond with the equally vague questions of when and what circumstances.
Some may call it over thinking, but what use is there in saying you have a favorite when in reality it is more complicated. Like, is that favorite song playing at a wedding, a house party, and a funeral. Or, are all your clothes your favorite color.
What do you think a person’s response to such questions says about them, their depth, curiosity, and open mindedness?
I don’t know if I’m offended or shocked that you’d call music “trivial”.
My preferences for music are both intense and very granular. It’s annoying to my wife that I’m constantly trying to figure out what she likes about the music she listens to, when she says she just likes what she likes. But even she thinks music is important, even if she avoids analyzing her preferences.
When I say a song is a favorite, I mean I could literally listen to it on loop and probably have. I mean I will never skip it if it comes on during shuffle. Most of those songs have a high level of emotional intensity, especially despair; female or especially mixed male and female vocals; rock or folk instrumentation; and themes of loss but not usually regret.
Not knowing why you like or dislike a piece of music is like not knowing why you like or dislike a food, or a person, or a smell, or a building. How can you go through life knowing so little about yourself?
I understand these questions as conversation openers rather than actual questions.
Having one “favorite” anything let alone something as vague as a color, is impossible. And the person asking doesn’t really want a specific answer, they just don’t know what to say so they also follow a scripted questions they’ve heard before.So I will respond with something like “I listen mostly to Genre A and Genre B. I’ve been to the concert of Band Z recently. What’s the latest concert you’ve been to?”
Or “I try to wear bright colors in the winter, to try and compensate for the gray days and cold nights”Something related to the opening question but doesn’t have to be a singular answer. More like your general opinion on colors followed by a question so the other person has something to latch onto for their turn in conversation.
Ah, small talk stresses me out. Why can’t people just open with “tell me something you accomplished or learned this year”?
Then we cut right to the things that matter.
“tell me something you accomplished or learned this year”
That’s gonna sound hostile to a good chunk of people. Rather than asking ‘what’, it demands ‘tell me’. Next, it supposes the other person be accomplished in act or learning. It is the difference between saying, “How you doin’?” and “Prove you are worth my attention.”
I used to think the same, but came to think small talk is kind of useful. Even though I’m not good at it.
- Hey fellow human, I acknowledge your existence and wish to interact with you
- Thank you fellow human, I also can’t dedicate mental and emotional capacity for a deeper conversation but still wish to interact with you…
