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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 1 year ago

Wallace Shawn Emerges As Frontrunner To Replace Daniel Craig As James Bond

www.theonion.com

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Wallace Shawn Emerges As Frontrunner To Replace Daniel Craig As James Bond

www.theonion.com

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 1 year ago
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  • Digital_man@lemmy.one
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    1 year ago

    I’d watch the ever loving fuck out of this.

    • AFaithfulNihilist@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      It’s a 2-hour long dialogue between Bond (played by Wallace Shawn) and a villainous billionaire media mogul Fryston Gallibre (played by Peter Capaldi) who is trying to collapse western democracy through ever more bland homogenized remakes of beloved franchises.

      In the end, Fryston realizes that Bond has never seen any of these movies or shows and isn’t really a fanboy of anything so he is immune to this assault on culture. Bond actually leaves confused and when trying to explain the whole thing back at the office he stops mid-sentence and asks the widowed Mrs. Money Penny (Judi Dench) If she’d like to go see a movie together, “apparently they’re quite popular!”

      • Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        My Dinner with Bond.

      • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        1 year ago

        Buddy.you dream too much… Keep at it!

      • tsonfeir@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        Can’t wait for those action figures.

    • Dkarma@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I was gonna say same. Give him all kinds of crazy gadgets but make him super serious.

    • CoggyMcFee@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      “But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the martini in front of me.”

    • gonesnake@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Jaymth Bond!

  • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    You know this is an Onion article because the real frontrunner for the role of James Bond is going to be, like every other role, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.

    • person@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      That would be the first Bond movie I watch.

      • cmbabul@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Maybe they just ain’t your thing but Casino Royale is really fucking good

        • atomicorange@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Is Margot Robbie in it?

          • Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works
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            1 year ago

            No but it has Eva green…

        • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          So was From Russia With Love. You can skip the rest, though.

      • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        The people have spoken, so give the people what they want.

    • figaro@lemdro.id
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      1 year ago

      You know at first I thought this account was a joke, but it’s been months and it’s still going on. Honestly I’m convinced

      • Hadriscus@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        it’s really her !

    • Ulvain@sh.itjust.works
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      Seriously though, there’s a potentially great reboot opportunity there…

      It would have to be very intelligently written to avoid the “reboot with women protagonist” clichés/pitfalls, the fact that 007 is a woman would have to strike just the right tone… misogyny would probably need to be faced with a good dose of “ok boomer” smirking, it would absolutely have to pass the Bechdel test…

      But yea, that would be the first James Bond I’d go see in 2 decades, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.

    • ProfessorProteus@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      See, I was gonna say Chris Pratt. He seems to be everywhere recently…

      • Coelacanth@feddit.nu
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        1 year ago

        It’s-a me, James Bond.

        • ProfessorProteus@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          It’s-a Bond. James-a Bond.

    • RedditWanderer@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Margopratt Reynolds.

      • cmbabul@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Lose the Pratt and I’m in

    • SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social
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      1 year ago

      And, if the villain were played by esteemed character actress Margot Martindale…

      It’ll never happen, because they’d just have to pack up the Academy of Motion Pictures and go home, because it’d be all downhill after that film.

    • brbposting@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      💁‍♀️💁‍♀️7️⃣

  • Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    You Fell Victim to One of the Classic Blunders

  • Yer Ma@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    Inconceivable!

    • Illuminostro@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      No, it’s INCONTHEEVABLE! Get it right!

  • samus12345@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Rule of Acquisition 300: If you’ve got it, flaunt it.

  • 🇰 🔵 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️@yiffit.net
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    1 year ago

    Inconceivable!

  • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com
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    1 year ago

    After seeing his performance in My Dinner with Andre (1981), casting director Janet Hirshenson was so fond of his delivery of the word “inconceivable” that she cast him as Vizzini in The Princess Bride (1987).

    dude got the job because of that line. no wonder its iconic

    • fidodo@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      That movie is also why she cast André the Giant as his sidekick after falling victim to one of the classic blunders.

  • Noble Shift@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I would get behind this.

  • PlasticExistence@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Inconvenience

    • Ashyr@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      I do not think that word means what you think it means.

      • PlasticExistence@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Inconsolable?

        • pdxfed@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          A quantum of inconsolable!

  • turkishdelight@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    inconceivable!

  • Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com
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    1 year ago

    The ultimate spy is the one you’d never expect.

    • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      No one would expect a person who announces their full name everywhere they go to be a spy!

      • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        So I clearly can’t choose the wine in front of me!

        • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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          1 year ago

          However, iocaine, like esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress and fugitive from the law Margot Robbie, comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

    • PhAzE@lemmy.ca
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      1 year ago

      007: The Spy You Didn’t Expect

      • Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com
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        1 year ago

        007 The Inconceivable Agent

  • morphballganon@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I could see him playing Q

    • The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.worldOP
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      I’ve been looking at too many Trek memes, because my mind immediately pictured the wrong Q character.

      But also yes.

      • grue@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Who says they aren’t the same character?

      • cmbabul@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I thought the same, but he would actually be great in both roles

      • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
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        wait, what other Q is there? I feel like he’d be excellent at playing the Q who ducks with Picard

        • morphballganon@lemmy.world
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          Sounds like you haven’t seen Tomorrow Never Dies. There’s a hilarious scene between Pierce Brosnan and Desmond Llewelyn about a remote control car…

        • The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.worldOP
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          1 year ago

          Well there’s Star Trek Q, and then there’s the Q that gives James Bond gadgets that are so unbelievable that could very well have been made by a Q-continuum being who’s impersonating an old British man…

  • iamjackflack@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    Yes please!

  • runeko@programming.dev
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    Oh, and we could have an X-men crossover with Danny DiVito as Wolverine.

  • mellowheat@suppo.fi
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    c/nottheonion, surely?

    • The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.worldOP
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      Maybe they’re testing the waters as a joke first.

      …unless?

    • grue@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      If it were a couple decades ago I would’ve believed it, but Wallace Shawn is literally 80 years old.

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