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ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 1 year ago

Trump Frantically Digging Holes Around Mar-A-Lago In Hopes Of Striking $454 Million In Oil

www.theonion.com

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Trump Frantically Digging Holes Around Mar-A-Lago In Hopes Of Striking $454 Million In Oil

www.theonion.com

ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 1 year ago
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PALM BEACH, FL—With time running out for the former president to secure a bond to cover the penalty in his New York civil fraud case, Donald Trump was seen Thursday frantically digging holes around Mar-a-Lago in hopes of striking $454 million in oil. “Look, all I’m asking for here is a little black gold to make that…
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  • morphballganon@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Anyone who thinks he’d do this himself gives him too much credit

    • Captain Janeway@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I think he’s just got a horrible golf swing.

    • hydroptic@sopuli.xyz
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      1 year ago

      Eric’s probably in a hardware store buying a shovel right now

      • NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        He probably owns several for burying all those dead hookers

        • hydroptic@sopuli.xyz
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          1 year ago

          I dunno, he’s creepy enough that he probably ate them.

          By “them” I meant the hookers. Not the shovels, that’d be weird.

          • NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            He eats the hookers by shoveling them into his mouth

    • seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM
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      1 year ago

      His soft, pasty hands have never held a shovel.

  • Gork@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    I imagine Rudy Giuliani would be frantically driving over to Bedminster with a shovel to do his bidding there as well.

    • Rentlar@lemmy.ca
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      1 year ago

      It is a job best suited for Four Seasons Landscaping, after all.

      • Optional@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Ahhh Four Seasons Landscaping. Good times, good times.

  • RubberDuck@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    LoL… nice Onion.

    IRL he gave away the rights to be able to do that in order to pay less taxes.

  • TokenBoomer@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Black gold… Texas tea

    • vividspecter@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      deleted by creator

  • Dreizehn@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    Mango Mussolini digging up more stolen classified documents.

  • danc4498@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I just saw a headline saying truth social is about to go public and make Trump billions.

    • Crackhappy@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Perhaps, but not in time.

  • Zuberi 👀@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    The onion isn’t even making their own pictures anymore?

    And they couldn’t have at least tried ONE more generative image before slapping it on lol?

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